Wednesday, June 23, 2010

My Real World

In reaching 40 I've noticed some changes in me. I'm not that strong anymore and tire quite easily. I'm married at 23 and my wife being a month older than me and yet I still have a very energetic and demanding 4-year-old toddler that always have a mind of his own. Helping him with the house chores is his older brother, a 6-year-old ultraman, ultraboy more likely, that always tries to outsmart me, the old sunset superman.

And when they have a dispute or having a ball, that is when all the theories and grammatical rules go haywire. Pardon me. English is actually not a second language for me. It is actually a foreign language to me. In terms that I do not have the opportunity to use it as frequently as I hope for. So maybe the Internet is my last chance of retaining what is left in me. And frankly speaking, there is a time when I started to hate the language. At that time, it's getting harder and harder for me to like the language when the USA and UK started their campaign against terror. Before, I could excuse my anger when the IDF used US made fancy bombs, signed by their children. Before murdering the Palestinian’s children. Don’t take me wrong. I don’t have any tears for the slain warriors. That is what they are designed for. The helpless one is not design for the cruelty. By killing the non-combatants, you would only drive the deep seated hate to the ones that are inflicting the hideous crime knowingly. My logic at that time, the US couldn't have known that the hi-tech precision and merciful IDF would target civilians instead of the fearless warriors of the Philistine. How could they?

Reading about how civilians were killed in bunkers by bunker busters and how their skins were sealed onto the walls in Iraq, frustrated me even further. I started to try to abandon the language. I’ve tried to stop listening, reading and using it. In terms of informality of course. When it comes to formality, I have to swallow my pride and deal with it as best that I can.

Luckily, I find out more and more Westerners and English native speakers are voicing their mind of disapproval of the ways of the proud evil ones. With Chomsky comes into the picture, things are getting clearer again.

I am getting old. I'm entering a phase that would determine my last contribution in this gift of life that has been granted to me. I am getting bored with myself of having to handle almost everything and how I wish that I could just sit and focus, really focus on my core business without the fancy over-weighed accessories that come with the job. Hope my luck has not run out. I’m still waiting for the implementation of a research conducted in the issue of over-burdening the likes of me. But in remembering previous events, all things would usually come to pass unnoticed and quietly until no one exactly remember it, like the wind that has passed us before, again and again.

I'm thinking of a hijrah from my current state of existence to a new breath of fresh air. I did try before, only to be turned down by my own organisation for the importance of service, not of me of course. I'm just another face. What they have failed to realise is that, what it would do to my motivation and determination in being turned down from the chance of advancing my career in an established well-known environment which is seen as the logical next stage of my existence. Luckily I snapped out of it, but the energy and time wasted for the lack of motivation is surely taxing. As a result, again I’ve failed to leap forward in the current level that I am in. But I guess I'm getting used to it. But with this new failure and the never falling demands of this and that, with little benefits that come with it, reminds me of my position.

I'm not like the others that are so lucky to receive certain acts of generosity, like the guardians that have not to prove themselves with dwindling cases of acts of aggressions; they only needed some magic and whalla! The impossible becomes possible and achievable. Unlike most of the anomalies we are having recently of course. They are beyond any control since ambush is not permitted to tackle such nemesis that proudly plundered the wood, sand and steel and the helpless women from their jewellery. Accidents are on the rise, but the average Joes are paying for more summonses for breaking the law. But the excuses given are quite convincing and any sympathetic man would cry upon hearing how difficult and almost impossible for them in doing their jobs. The ones who do bleed on the job are not to be forgotten. They are the diamonds and the true guardians of the country.

Those who are not so lucky of gaining higher education has nothing to fear since meritocracy, whatever that means is only a screening tools for entering a university and not for the working class. They must be all the same and the gaps must not be widened. So close that one would started to feel what is the benefit of all the blood, money and time spent to gain a higher education when the ones that seem to have walls of excuses of not having one, seem to benefit more by not having one? Despite all the chances available for them in doing so, in the past and in the present.

Whatever that we are doing now would have consequences. It won't show now of course, the effect of the current cause will show themselves in 5 to 15 years to come, maybe sooner or later, as what is happening now in the lands of the Malay. Speed demons seem unstoppable. Unwanted babies are dying and dumped here and there. Sex outside of marriage is getting higher and higher. Parents are getting scared of their own children. And alien cultures are spreading like unstoppable viruses in the society. Although the numbers and instances are not that alarming, it is not an excuse of not taking concrete solution before things get out of hand. Hopefully these ‘isolated cases’ are not that far from the ever-watchful and ever-hearing men that were blessed with the power to do something about them and with it, the accountability to God and the society that trust in them. Even by those who didn't vote for him or her or appoint him or her to the job. That is politic. You serve.

People won’t like you because what you are giving and offering them. People like you when you put things where they are rightly belong. When you are giving merit to those who deserve them. When you are promoting equality and fairness in the spirit of achievement and humane competitiveness, not just acknowledging to mere demands to be treated as equals. If you lose the majority, not even all the minority would be able to help you. Having said that, fulfilling all the needs of the not-so-wise majority would have similar destructive effect. It would shy away the wise and with it, the wisdom that is much needed in building the country. Socialism as beautiful as it seems, must not get carried away. Look at what happened to China during Mao and Cambodia during Pol Pot. Social justice in Islam, which has universal attribute must not be neglected. Justice is when you put things at their rightfully places. Trying otherwise, even as it seems fairness, would be a mockery to all that is just and right.

That is about as far as I can write about my real world. Like I said earlier I'm not that free.

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